Toxic people are known as emotional vampires because instead of sucking blood, they drain energy and self-esteem. Storybook vampires are creatures of the night. Emotional vampires lurk on the dark side of human nature. These people are bad news and there is nothing remotely amusing about their personalities. Spreading negativity like poison, they can make people feel depressed and angry.
Life puts most individuals in situations where run-ins with toxic people are inevitable. It's important to identify them early and limit daily contact as much as possible before they have a chance to ruin everything in a person's life or attitude. This article explores the various types of toxic people and how to handle them in the right way, without stooping to their level.
Types of Toxic Individuals
Toxic people all suffer from low self-esteem and try to project their lack of confidence onto others, in order to disguise their own shortcomings. Some of the common dysfunctional personalities fall into these categories.
- The Criticizers – These people are convinced they have the God-given right to deliver what they think is constructive criticism, even if they tear the other person to shreds. They claim to be good with people, yet have zero sensitivity.
- The Drainers – Once they sink their claws into their victims it's hard to shake off a drainer. They are in somebody's life because they need encouragement and help, but have no time for others. In their minds, a give and take relationship is to give nothing and take as much as they can.
- The Know-It-Alls – Whatever the subject might be, they know everything there is to know about it. They also enjoy rubbing it in your face. They emit a certain confidence and authority that can easily fool others.
- The Dream Killers – Big dreams and creativity are essential for new discoveries and inventions. These people are locked in a constant state of what is, instead of what could be.
Learning to deal with toxic people — emotional vampires — is sometimes a lifelong process, but it's necessary because toxic people are in every walk of life. They rarely have anything positive to say, and look for ways to perpetuate their own misery and anxiety at the expense of others. Nobody should be fooled into thinking that he or she can alter a toxic person's behaviour just by being a caretaker.
In some instances, toxic people can't be helped. As soon as it dawns on somebody that such an individual won't change — and they seldom do — it will be time to walk away. Don't return e-mails or phone calls and refuse all invitations to go out even if the toxic person is a friend. Stop feeding the fire and it will go out, eventually.
Instead of having toxic people in one's life, those who have been victims should seek out what are called nutritious people. Nutritious people have three characteristics. First, their faces light up when a friend walks in the room, they listen and most importantly, they have few — if any — plans to improve another person. Find environments that are supportive and energizing that can reduce stress and speed up the healing process.
In extreme cases, psychopathic personalities may try to inflict physical harm. Do not show fear since it gives them the upper hand. Make it clear verbally or in writing that their behaviour will have definite consequences.
Warning Signs of Toxicity
Toxic people will not wear signs around their necks, but the following are clear signals of toxicity:
- Toxic people live in a state of perpetual doom and gloom.
- They begin every sentence with negative statements and then quickly try to diffuse them.
- They make snide and disrespectful remarks to employees in restaurants, banks and shops.
- Excessive friendliness is a trap that toxic people use to lure people into relationships and jobs.
Toxic people are obnoxious and could suffer from mental illness. That's why they're so miserable. Making a conscious effort to stay positive and associating with people who are happy and emotionally stable will help to reduce the effects of their venomous attitude. If around a toxic person at work never take the bait and listen to their nonsense. Take the high road and everyone else will follow.
References:
- The Power of Purpose: Creating Meaning in Your Life and Work by Richard J. Leider, Berrett-Koehler Publishers 1997.
- The Rookie's Playbook: Insights and Dirt for New Principals by Autumn Tooms, Rowland and Littlefield 2005.
- I Thought I Was the Crazy One: 201 Ways to identify and Deal with Toxic People by Ruthie O. Grant, Personhood Press 2003.
- Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry by Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D. McGraw-Hill Professional 2002.
Scott Hayden - Since joining Suite101 in early 2007, I've contributed articles about travel, history and health. My speciality is writing about workplace ...
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